Saturday, July 09, 2005

Why Southern California Sucks

I've finally figured out what irks me about the people in Southern California and why after two days in Manhattan Beach I start to twitch. It's not the smog or the Hummers or the omni-tattoos around biceps and calves. It's not the materialism--we have that just as bad in Northern California--and it's not the classism and blandness of white-ism. It's not the fake boobs (hell, I've lined up dollar bills to get closer looks at those) or the traffic or the McMansions springing up.

It's the fact that this lady cut me off with her stroller and didn't say excuse me.

She didn't even hesitate; she just blasted on past me, almost excising my big (and my favorite) toe in the process. She didn't look up, she didn't give a furtive glance or look around sheepishly. Nor did any of the surrouding pedestrians have the slightest problem with what had happened. None of them had even noticed.

Trying to parallel park on Highland, I turned on my blinker as I slowed to a stop just past the open parking space. I prepared to back in only to be blocked from behind (from WAY behind) by a woman driving a SUV (which was cooler than mine except for the color) yapping on her cell phone next to her 15 year old daughter who was yapping away in the passenger seat on her own cell phone. She stopped right at my bumper. And then she realized that I was not going to move out of HER way, so she backed up--about one foot. She backed up another foot and continued to yap on the phone while backing up. I had choices here. I could have stood my ground and forced the lady to force the line of cars behind her to move. But I just sped off. Why? Because I'm from the land of Northern California where we are fair-minded and diverisfied and tolerant, where we recycle and read high-minded books. Okay, no, it's because I didn't want to flip out in front of my ten-year old boy and his best friend.

It's not like these are evil people. Or even Republicans. They just don't have empathy. They don't seem to be able to see that their actions are affecting other people. A person in So Cal will cut you off not because he's out to get you; he just doesn't have a clue that his actions may be affecting you in any way. After cutting you off, he may even look up from his Palm Pilot and wave at you and smile. In fact, if you're from, say, New York, and you travel to L.A. you may be overwhelmed by the number of smiling faces and "niceness" you'll find here. The women will smile at you, the metrasexual men will smile at you...especially if you are white, blond and at least somewhat female. That is, until they cut you off and run over your fucking toe.

If you're from New York, you know that the person who cuts you off knows damn well what he did. In New York, drivers will speed up just so they can cut you off (and then scream "Get off the road!"). It's an open act of agression which I find sort of endearing. The New Yorker has empathy; he just chooses to ignore it. Or maybe it has to do with revenge. In Boston, my friend would wait at a red light, four cars back, his hand poised above his horn. The instant the light turned green he would lay on his horn, pushing it as if his full weight would force a louder blaring from it. He never tired of this game because he knew he was pissing people off. Now that's empathy!

I think if I had told off the lady in the car New York style, she would have been genuinely shocked. I don't think it would even have occurred to her that I was there in the first place. And if I had stopped the lady with the stroller and said "How about an excuse me?" I think I would have gotten a mumble, a dismissal. Why should my toe matter to her? At least my friend from Boston would have the decency to back up and run over my other one.

17 Comments:

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Klaasvaak said...

Dearest Jamie,
Ok, maybe not dearest, but I felt close to you after I read your post about how Southern California sucks *ass. Daily, I ask my husband "is this lady/man crazy? Why did she/he do that?" I haven't the same hatred towards other drivers as I had my whole life in D.C., because the people here just don't think they're doing anything wrong. They think they're doing me a favor by honking their horn incessantly at me while they're trying to pass me in the shoulder. They are sick to think that a thumbs-up after they pass me too. I want to do it back to them and flick them off, but I am not stooping so low during my dreadful time here. Thanks and keep the laughs coming.

 
At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No its just that you're a fucking pussy. "WAH WAH she didn't say 'exuse me' boo hoo." So what? Deal with it. People in Southern California are just as tolerant as those in Northern California. Its just that there is more to do down there so people like to enjoy their leisure time more than worry about "thank you's" and "excuse me's."

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Robert said...

good blog, people in SoCal are bitches. Just like the guy above, ITS CALLED HAVING MANNERS, douche bag.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger SoulGrocery said...

Hear hear!! Or as they say in SoCal: "oh, were you saying something?"

I take small comfort in knowing that should the shit ever hit the fan (economy tanks, major natural disaster, etc) the legions of self-obsessed oblivious SoCal fucktards would be the first to extinction -- simply because they have no concept of what's happening around them.

Then again, that comfort is eroded when having to share the road with these idiots...

 
At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please Please, will shit please hit the fan, so the legions of people in southern california who can't change their own tire, can't start a fire with matches, and who drive a 80K car but park it on the street because they live in an apartment can just waste away in their cars, clutching their cell-phones. God am I happy to be out of there. fucktards and doucebags, the 2010 census is coming

 
At 12:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I completely agree. Moving to sukcal from the midwest has truly redefined the definition of hatred for me. To be honest the people and the weather ruin it for me. Mountains are beautiful comparatively speaking, however the beaches suck! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. They are rocky, overcrowded and the water is always so fucking cold! Florida beaches and the bahamas are the way to go. Anyway, back to the people. What a bunch of fucking retards! Socal citizens are complete morons, oblivious to their surroundings and the fact that there are over 100 illegal immigrants posted up at the local home depot haggling any white person who pulls in the parking lot. Oh wait I forgot their uncle Miguel manages the place and its cool, right? It's funny, I work and live in Socal and listen to people bitch about all the taxes they pay for shit in this state, then they give Jose $20 bucks to wash his/her car. You think Jose is gonna take that 20 spot and pay taxes with it? That's why taxes are so fuckin high. Oh yeah the weather sucks too! It is either fuckin hot or fuckin windy. If you don't like 110 degree weather or 85, windy and dry as fuck then dont live in Socal because those are the two seasons. If and when it does finally rain, I swear everybody crashes on purpose because they want to be on the news or something.

 
At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I simply cannot wait for the "big one" to hit SO Cal. I just hope a lot of movie stars are killed and crushed in their homes and raped by looters. I really do. They deserve every bit of carnage coming.

 
At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another Clay Area Boy whining because his self righteous feelings were trampled.

You self righteous douches from the Clay Area are always crying about So Cal.

We don't give two shits on how you Clay Area fruits feel.

We have been to your shit and area. Nice city you have in Frisco or Freako or Faggo.

People pooping in the streets.

Beggars everywhere. Nice--real nice. Rude and crude douche's.

If you don't like So Ca---don't come here---it is not for you.

Stay up North and continue your worship of the pez dispenser known as "Nancy Pelosi!"

 
At 1:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Clay Area is full of Douche's and phonies as well.

 
At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of you fucking morons trying to defend SoCal are just proving the authors point. You don't have any manners and care only about yourself, as if you're the only person in the world. I live in SoCal and the people are miserable. The saving grace is the land, but sometimes I don't even think that's worth it. If someone on a motorcycle ever kicks your mirror off and you're wondering why, it's because you almost killed me and don't possess the attention span to realize what you've done.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Teddy T said...

You fucking losers ..... you are mad at your own pathetic and boring lonely life to the point of having to make a post this big about socal bc u had problems with traffic and a lady with a stroller ? First of all, I am from Chicago and have lived in socal for many years now ... and its not the " people " ... its the people like you who aren't from here but are from a sall southern hillbilly ass town that is sheltered. There's 9 million people in L.A. and u sound like half of the losers and schmucks that end up leaving here and moving back to there pathetic lives. Socal has more opportunities and activites than anywhere in the world. If u take ladies with strollers and a dickhead ass suit and tie and let that stand for socals image, than u better experience more of the culture before u judge it on a fucking lady and a stroller.... people like this piss me off. Go work harder, do something with your life. Than maybe, just maybe, you might one day be able to hang in soca without being walked all over. Either that or stay in carolina motherfucker.

 
At 3:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

SoCal doesn't know or care about courtesy/humility. They don't value it in themselves. They don't value it in others.

 
At 10:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't try to defend socal asshole, I've lived here my whole fucking life and let me tell you, it's an evil place. There's no, absolutely no respect for hard working middle class people here. Socially it's a breeding ground for disaster. I can't wait to get the fuck out to some other place where people other than millionaires, their families, and their peons, can flourish.

 
At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

California sucks, beacuse it's overrun by leftist wackos who care more about stupid ignoramus sloguns like "Diversity" more like Divershitty. Many of the wealthy elites have very poor moral values as well. Crime is rampant due to Blacks procreating at alarming rates. California has become a welfare state that is subsidizing the lives of lazy, impertinent and often criminal types who have done nothing productive except drain the tax dollars. Business is suffering and people are trying to get out.

 
At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck Southern California. I saw 10+ people just dump out all the trash from their car onto the street and drive away.

Also, way too many gangs and gang glorification. Also, tii many armenians...

 
At 12:47 AM, Blogger IlliniSuck@Football said...

southern California should be a home for reptiles, not mammals.

 
At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

every time time i have to deal with anyone from socal it reminds me why i left and how much i hated my 2 years living there . i almost hope for a civil war so i get to fight against all the spoiled, selfish, greedy, detached, materialistic, ruthless, heartless, parasites from socal. Norcal your cool, you people actually care about others besides just yourself.

 

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