Kids and Sex Surveys

In recent news, the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled that parents, while entitled to make basic decisions about a child's upbringing, have no constitutional right to control what children are taught at school or what questions they are asked.

The trial ensued when a student was given a survey at school which he told his parents was offensive: "The survey, intended to measure children's exposure to early trauma, was designed by a district counselor who was studying for a master's degree in psychology. Parents had consented to the survey after being told of its overall nature but were not informed of specific questions. Students were asked 79 questions about how often they had certain thoughts, feelings and experiences, such as anger, bad dreams and suicidal impulses. Ten of the questions concerned sexual topics, including how often they thought about sex or whether they were 'touching ... private parts too much.'"

Amidst the recent national attention of evolutionists vs creationists in schools, this ruling sends a clear message as to where California stands: "Noting controversies over the teaching of such topics as racial equality, homosexuality and evolution, [Judge] Reinhardt said, 'Schools cannot be expected to accommodate the personal, moral or religious concerns of every parent.'"

This ruling presents some interesting options for teachers, and I'm taking full advantage of this situation before somebody overturns the decision. I have my own survey which I will pass this out to my students in my English Classes during the final exam.

Here are some of the questions:

1. How often do you read?
a) daily b) 1-2 times a week c) I read when I'm naked d) a few times a month
e) rarely or never

2. How often do you have sexual feelings?
a) daily b) 1-2 times a week c) I have sexual feelings when I read d) a few times a month e) rarely or never

6. What is the correct name for the male sexual organ?
a) my little pony b) pinky finger c) sin d) penis e) vulva

9. What color underwear are you wearing?
a) pink b) lavender c) ginger ale d) invisible colored e) white or muave

12. Would you like to make $12.00?
a) yes b) no

There are 250 questions on my survey, and I think the students will really learn a lot. I also ask them to provide a photograph and a home address with a schedule of times they will be alone. I also ask whether they have any known allergic reactions to chloryform.

Thank you Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals!